So here is your opportunity:
- take 15 minutes with your partner and ask this: “What is important for you in a relationship?”
- write down 4 – 5 key values for your couple and then switch roles
- You now have a solid set of values that you can discuss each month
- The rule while doing the review is the following: while one person provides feedback on one of their specific need, the other person has to listen until the end, thank the person for the feedback, and then express what they are willing to change in the future.
- Do this in turn until you have discussed all points
- The numbers are just there for bringing some fun to this, I encourage you to appreciate that the point is to communicate and re-enforce the couple and that points are less relevant
- It is important for me to be able to feel a sense of absolute trust towards my partner
- It is important for me that we communicate in a calm and peaceful manner with each other, demonstrating the highest level of respect for each other
- It is important for me that my partner surprises me in life by bringing me in new territories where I would not go on my own and making me live new experiences
- It is important for me that my partner is present for me, makes me feel understood and supports me in accomplishing my life’s goals
I have created this file to facilitate the discussion: couple compass
To give you a concrete idea, here are some of my personal examples of what I am asking from my partner:
PS: If you are not in a relationship at the moment, you could still apply this process with someone who counts for you, it works just as well with friends and family. Also, having a clear set of couple values could be instrumental for the day you meet someone!